THE SEXY SEASON WITH GRANDMA

OHH NO MR BILL! Has the Dude lost it? Do we need to lock Granny in the closet? Inquiring minds want to know!  --  It's that Twisted Christmas advertising season. Advertising comes in all shapes, sizes, and ages. As humans, we are all one big walking, talking demographic as far as advertising goes. Mother, father, sister, uncle, grandmother, the ads target us all.

At the Senior Citizens Center they had a contest the other day. I lost by one point: The question was: Where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently the correct answer was Africa!!! 

  
The New Full-Frontal: Has Pubic Hair in America Gone Extinct?
  Got's to love that sweet stuff (very funny cooking ad)

 Disturbing Sexy working Grandmothers (we are talking bouncing boobs and udder stuff)

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COOKING with GOODSTUFF

My wife was telling me that man can’t live on beer and oysters alone. She reckons I need more variety in my diet. Seeing how she takes such good care of me, I thought it would be a good idea to appease her. After a period of deep reflection on the matter of beer food and dietary concerns, I reckon some kind of tom yum would be an ideal food for the chilly season. 

The Ko0L thing about tom yum is that it is served all over Southeast Asia, even though it originated in Thailand. Tom yum is usually made with prawns (tom yum goong), chicken (tom yum gai), fish (tom yum pla), or mixed seafood (tom yum talay). You can put just about any seafood you like into Tom Yum Talay. Common items include Prawns, Squid, Fish, Shell-Fish (especially mussels) and crab. However, oysters don’t work so good!

Without father ado, this is how the master chief

GOODSTUFF cooks Tom Yum Goong

SHOPPING LIST

SEVERAL BOTTLES OF BEER

Four big handfuls of saltwater shrimps

(With heads attached and has a 

red/orange fat visible inside the head)

A small handful of dried shrimps

Big handful of lemongrass

A few thick slices of Galangal (ginger)

The juice of a sack full of limes

Some brown mushrooms

Just enough Fish sauce

A good measure of Nam-prik Pao

Too many Thai chillies

A handful of baby tomatoes

A handful of mud onions

Cilantro plants with roots

Half a handful of garlic

One big handful of kaffir lime leaves

Unfortunately, for the true taste, it is difficult to substitute anything for the kaffir lime leaves. 

First you do the stock thing:

Throw the dried shrimp, some of the kaffer leaves and some of the lemon grass in to a pot with water. Boil for about half a beer. Then simmer till the beer is finished. My personal touch is to add some bay leaves and too much black pepper.

Then cook the basic soup:

Add some more water to your stock. Toss in the rest of the kaffir leaves, the remaining lemongrass, most of the lime juice, the Galangal, mushrooms, chillies, tomatoes, onions, chopped garlic and the abused cilantro plants.

After all the effort units, you deserve a break. Kick back and do another beer. However, there is still some cooking to be done. Take a couple of shallows of beer the stir the brew. Repeat this step until three quarters of a bottle of beer has been consumed.

Completing the tom yum goong experience

Add the shrimps and finish the beer. After you have opened another beer, add the fish sauce, nam-prik pao and the remaining lime juice. Turn off the gas and finish the beer. To maintain my sexy figure I like to add a bit of fresh young coconut meat to the tom yum concoction.

Quality Control:

If you can’t decide if it’s too sour, salty, hot or sweet you have done a good job of cooking tom yum goong.Then you are ready to declare “YUM-YUM SO GOOD AND SO GOOD FOR YOU!”

  Pork Leg in Coca-Coca Dish  

DO NOT USE A MICROWAVE TO MAKE YOUR MORNING INSTANT COFFEE!
EXPLANATION :What happens is that the water heats faster than the vapor bubbles can form. If the cup is very new then it is unlikely to have small surface scratches inside it that provide a place for the bubbles to form. As the bubbles cannot form and release some of the heat that has built up, the liquid does not boil, and the liquid continues to heat up well past its boiling point. What then usually happens is that the liquid is bumped or jarred, which is just enough of a shock to cause the bubbles to rapidly form and expel the hot liquid

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ADDICTION 2 CHILLIES

I have stumbled upon something never discovered. Using keen observations and a few beers, I have isolated a new gene and have filed for a patent! I’m going to name the Gene – addiction2chillies (A2C). This gene is the reason why Thai women are addicted to prik kee nu chilis.

*** See the 555?  To say five in Thailand the word sounds like "Ha". therefore, 555 sounds like LOL

This is the raining season, the local markets don’t open on raining days. Couple this with the reduce amounts of fruits and vegetables being harvested, you have a short term chilly (prik kee nu) shortage. The girls of the house hold were going mental. After three days there was a single ray of sunshine and the girls were out the door to score some chilies from the local dealer.

When Gene A2C is activated it does numerous things. One of the things that it does in almost every case is to unleash a compulsion to flirt with typhoid and food poisoning. All the women folk want to add old rotten fish or crabs to their chillies.

You’re probably thinking this is just the musing of GOODSTUFF being drunk but you would be wrong. Many hours of research and plenty of supporting data has been collected to prove what Gene A2C does exist.

BTW – prik kee nu translates to mouse droppings

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